It seems like a long time...

It has been years since I wrote on this and I am writing it only for myself. What a life. I'm alone again naturally, just hit the bottle again and it doesn't seem that bad apart from the headache. What do you do when you love a woman, have children with her, then discover that you can't handle being a father? What do you do when everyday you feel like running away? What do you do when you are overwhelmed by a fear of death? How do we live with all this going on 24 hours a day in our heads. I know I'm not the only one! So anyone who reads this....please give me your answer. Over the past year I have lost two dear friends, one to suicide and one to alcoholism and today I found out my best friends father died. What are we to make of this life? Yours respectfully. Anthony